An explanation

We are living in a wonderfully different world than the world in which I grew up. Things that kids whispered about when I was in high school have bloomed into beautiful subcultures that kids proudly embrace. It’s amazing.

I, an old dinosaur, have been doing my best to continue learning and growing.

I have learned that when it comes to gender identity, I am nonbinary.

For me, this isn’t an important part of my identity. I understand that for many queer folk gender identity is a major part of who they are and their place in the world. My gender identity just doesn’t happen to be important to me personally.

I think the best comparison would be as though I went my whole life thinking of my eyes as green and brown. I don’t think about my eye color on any kind of regular basis. It’s just a fact in the back of my mind. Then, one day, I learn that there’s a word to describe that type of eye: hazel. So, a small surprise. You think you know yourself, and then you learn something. It doesn’t really change anything. It’s just new information.

That’s how it was for me to realize I am nonbinary. It’s just some information I realized about myself, but it’s not particularly important to me. I really cannot emphasize strongly enough, though, that I understand how deeply important gender identity can be to other people, and how important it is to respect that.

My eyes are brown, by the way. I just couldn’t think of a better example than the “hazel” thing.

I make every effort to memorize and respect and use chosen pronouns when I’m informed of them. I understand how important that is to people.

For me, regarding myself and my place in the world, it isn’t really something I feel like worrying about. People use she / her because that’s what my body tells them to use, and that’s fine as far as I’m concerned. I made my email address thelady@laurenbeischer because it’s funny to me, a little tongue-in-cheek joke because (to me) I’m clearly no lady.

Someone once really pressed me for pronouns. They couldn’t believe that I was fine with she / her even though I identify as nonbinary. They asked, “What pronouns do you use when you’re thinking to yourself? In your private thoughts, how do you think of yourself? I’ll use whatever that is.” I laughed and said, “I think of myself as a robot doing its best to be a good human.” ::shrug::

A friend of mine who is also nonbinary once said, as they were getting dolled up for an evening out, “I want to be the most beautiful alien anyone has ever seen.” I loved that.

So that is my explanation. I don’t really feel like I need to make room for myself in queer spaces. I think other people need that space more than I do, and that’s fine. I just wanted to put this out on the Internet for when I feel I need to explain myself to anyone. It is easier to send a link than to reinvent the wheel each time.

Thanks for reading!